UnFamiliar

As a player, I've always liked the idea of playing a magic wielding character. Something about the idea of bending reality appeals to me for some reason. As a person, I'm much more comfortable in the woods by myself than I am in crowded cities. I also enjoy reading and learning. I'd have to say that if I were to step through some kind of inter-dimensional portal and end up starting a life on Greyhawk or some such place, I'd probably end up as a Wizard or Druid.

Something about the Wizard has always bothered me though, and it's not just the common clichés I've talked about before (i.e. pointy hat, robes, long beard). I will admit that the idea of a wizard having a familiar is at least interesting, but I almost always have trouble getting it to fit the persona I have in mind. Granted, a wizard isn't required to have a familiar at all, but it's one of the things that contributes to the class, and presents advantages that are lost otherwise.

Perhaps it's the familiar's table that turns me off, I guess. Bat, Cat, Hawk, Lizard, Owl, Rat, Raven, Snake, Toad, Weasel. The guy shoots bolts of magic, shouldn't he have access to something better than a first grader's class mascot? And why the hell does a toad give you three extra hit points? Depending on the wizard, that could be half again his own hit points out of a six ounce critter! Lizards give you bonuses to climb checks. Don't cat's climb too?? Oh, but wait, cat's give you bonuses to move silently. Since when has Move Silently been a wizard's class skill?? Ravens give you bonuses to appraisal checks, cause, I dunno, they know a lot about fine art?? Owls give bonuses to spot checks in shadows. They also give you an unexplained urge to eat rats, which by the way grant bonuses to fortitude.

Picture a powerful wizard. He's tall and slender. His face stern with the confidence of someone who knows the arcane secrets that bind existence together. His eyes peer through the pettiness of the common folk, squabbling over the scraps left on the noble's tables. With a mere thought, he could blink into another plane, or ignite whole villages with a volley of fireballs. His tower is lit with candles set on the skulls of creatures from other dimensions. His walls are lined with ancient tomes and. The air smells of ancient leather bound volumes of forgotten lore and... feces? Ugh, time to change the cat box... Meow!

Unlimited cosmic powers, and he's dangling a string at a playful tabby, or collecting bugs to feed his toad. Better yet, why not a gold fish?? Bonus points to swimming, but you forget everything every six seconds.

Meh. My sarcasm is getting away with me.

Anyway, my usual first conception of a wizard has nothing to do with household pets, vermin or other such pests. I sort of feel like the whole animal buddy thing is more the druid's schtick anyway. Rangers too maybe. I'll rant about rangers in another post though.

My distaste of the whole familiar ideas only gets worse the more I think about it. What if some celestial being from some other plane decides to summon himself a familiar, and suddenly the player character ends up finding himself granting silly skill bonuses and delivering touch attacks??

I was psyched to find that there was a "Bonus Insert" that WotC put out on Familiars, but I was again disappointed.

I have some thoughts on alternatives to familiars, but I thought I'd see what you guys had for it first. I'll be posting a followup with some of the things that I and my group have come up with to use in it's place. Please comment with any ideas you have, I'd love to hear them!

In-Game Clichés

The Dungeons and Dragons game world: a place filled with magic and monsters and wonders bound only by the reaches of one's imagination. A place where anything is possible.

And yet, the table is littered with tons of in-game clichés!

I will be the first to admit, I've indulged... I can definitely see why some of these clichés exist, but these days I consider it my duty to challenge them whenever I can, as a GM.

Wizards
Intellect triumphs over brawn when it comes to the wielding of magic. A sword is a fine thing, but does you no good if you've been polymorphed into yam. The whole basis of wizardry, and in fact all magic wielding in general is that you have no real use for conventional weapons and armor.

Dedicating their lives to the quest for knowledge and mastery of the arcane arts, Wizards tend to have no particular interest in appearances. Why shave, it's just going to grow back you know.

Somewhere along the lines of history and mythology though, having no use for weapons and armor, and a penchant for growing beards turned into ancient robe-wearing men with beards that they tuck into their socks.

I get that you don't need suits of armor, but robes? Why not a pair of pants and a shirt (or hose and a tunic, as it were). And I get the whole beard thing as far as it's just going to keep growing, and if you don't have to deal with razor burn, then why would you? ...But there comes a point where it just gets in the way. It's very frustrating to be eating something that pushes whiskers into your maw, only to get them stuck between your teeth. It doesn't take much to trim.

Dwarves

Short and broad, surly and industrious. These small work-horses toil beneath the mountains digging up gold and iron and gems. I can understand why they're always described as dirty, seeing as they live underground. They're strong because they spend their lives moving rocks and ore. They're surly probably due to their line of work. I seem to remember working in construction, and most of the time my coworkers were grumpy. Again, harsh physical labor tends to go hand in hand with the imbibing of alcohol so I get that too.

Why are they Celtic?

I just don't understand where the brogue comes from. Scottish people aren't all that short, nor are they (at least as far as I know) typically considered short. The stereotype seems to only have the drinking and red hair things in common.

If they're going to be Celtic, why do we just stop at the accent and drinking? Why not face-paint for battles, why not bagpipes? Why don't they herd sheep?

Dead Parents
One of the most important (in my opinion anyway) during character creation is the back story. Who is your character, and why are they adventuring? The most common thread here in D&D and in just about any other story be it book or movie, is some kind revenge-based motivation like the killing of one's parents or other assorted loved ones. It's so common there are even many famous quotes about it:



You dirty rat, you killed my brother

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

You killed my father!
No, luke. I am your father

You killed Ted you midieval dick weed!

The death of a loved one is something that we all have to deal with so it's something we can relate to, and the idea that perhaps we could have prevented it or that maybe we could get some closure by avenging it is also something we can relate to.

But I find it to be the easy way out. It's like, going around a table and everyone introducing themselves:

Dave: I will not rest until my parents are avenged!
Charlie: Yeah, same here.
Bob: Yep. Dead parents.
Steve: Ditto.

Sure, it works but... Yawn.

For your next campaign, try to mandate that all parents of all characters are alive, well, and not imprisoned. I'm willing to be that'll get the creative juices flowing!